


Falling down the rabbit hole

by Smugdendingle



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Depression, Drug Use, Drugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Low self - esteem, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-01-15 22:51:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18508690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smugdendingle/pseuds/Smugdendingle
Summary: ( Multi- chapter)In 2017, Aaron and Robert had broken up due to the fact of Robert’s betrayal and Aaron could not handle it any longer. What if Robert started to take drugs to help the loneliness at bay and from everyone hating him?Will anyone help him? What will happen when Robert becomes desperate for the drugs and goes to desperate measures for his addiction?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Multi-chapter fic. 
> 
> Don’t read if there is any triggers.
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT (26th June 2019) - I am still carrying on with this fic, however, I’ve got writers block. I am adding to the chapter ( im currently trying to write ) but I don’t know how long that will be. But thank you those who are waiting for an update ;)

Aaron was walking past the path where it leads to the bridge where he heard hushed voices. He stopped when he recognised one of the Male voices - Robert’s. He frowned and he started to walk towards him slowly and ever so quietly wondering what he is doing in the dark. Aaron saw another man opposite Robert giving him something- like a small bag of powder? 

“ You know where to find me when you run out. “ The man told Robert, his voice ruff the type of street thug voice you normally hear in the common areas of Hotton. 

“ This will be the last time. “ Robert told him, he sounded upset? Guilty? Aaron couldn’t place it. 

The man laughed and Robert flinched. “ You said that before, about 4? 5 times now? “ he mocked making Robert remember. “ You are a druggy now, You will never be free, you’ve fallen in the trap. “ he patted Robert’s shoulder. “ See ya mate, text me whenever you “ he leaned closer nearly whispering in Robert’s ear. “ feel lonely. “ he winked and walked away into the direction of the woods. Aaron watched Robert as he wiped away a tear, looking down at the bag in his hands. Aaron couldn’t believe it. Robert. His Robert taking drugs? The Robert who went bad at him in prison for doing the exactly same thing, now is taking drugs? 

Aaron had seen over the few months, of the separation of the relationship, that it was taking its toll on Robert. He seemed dazed, lifeless, pale and bit skinnier than Aaron last saw his body. 

Robert started to walk up the path not noticing Aaron standing there till he spoke up and scared the shit out of him. 

“ Never took you as the druggy type. “ Aaron commented plainly. 

Robert’s face was a picture of shocked and being exposed. He needs to lie, can’t let Aaron know because that’s showing his weak side isn’t it? He can’t show that he can’t cope without Aaron, because he isn’t, every night he stares at the wall with his thoughts racing. The drugs help him sleep, help him to forget everything, help the aching pain in his chest to go away. 

He is pathetic. 

“ I’m not taking drugs. “ he lies, tries to find confident but Aaron can see straight through him. 

Aaron scoffs. “ And I’m not standing here watching you and that bloke talking about you being a druggy. “ he says sarcastically. 

Robert doesn’t say anything, because it’s true, his silence tells Aaron instead. He tries to move past Aaron but he blocks the pathway looking like he is about to bop his (ex) husband. The way his chest pushes out and his shoulders become broader, like he is about to fight. 

“ move. “ Robert tells him annoyed, he is surprised to hear the wobble in his voice. 

What happened to him? 

“ What happened to you? “ Aaron commented. That’s like a punch to Robert’s stomach, he sounds so disappointed in him that Robert just wants to fall asleep and not wake up. 

“ Nothing “ 

“ You are doing the exact same thing as I was doing in prison Robert. “ Aaron tells him matter of factly. “ Why are you doing this? “ 

Robert needs to push him away. He needs to push away the feelings of hope of Aaron actually caring about him. Robert needs to isolate himself even more so people can forget about him. 

“ You don’t care about me Aaron, so just stop pretending and go back to Alex will ya? “ Robert hisses and shoves past Aaron leaving him wince. Aaron doesn’t move, let’s the tears fall. The distance is unbearable between them. He didn’t even have the chance to say Alex wasn’t in the picture, he wasn’t even in the frame. 

It is always him and Robert, and it will always be like that. 

Robert gets back to Victoria’s house. He quietly walks in and jogs upstairs, shakily takes out the brown substance and lights the cigarette. He cries softly when it feels so much better, hates it when it feels so good.  
He falls unconscious from the drugs, the aching pain fades away and leaves him feeling numb. 

Aaron was laying in bed, on Robert’s side of the bed. He held onto Robert’s watch silently crying into the pillow, his gorgeous husband finding a terrible way of coping with everything. Should he have noticed the signs? Should he have done something? The rational side of his brain fights with the self regret, no, he didn’t know Robert was taking drugs, he didn’t know anything was going on till tonight. This isn’t his fault but it still stings. Aaron falls asleep holding the watch against his chest. 

-:- 

Aaron walks into the pub the next day, he nods over to Charity the silent request for her to make him a pint of beer. He sees Robert in the corner staring into his half empty glass of beer. Aaron walks over and sits himself down opposite him. 

“ You sure you should be drinking alcohol as well as takin drugs? “ Aaron asks him. 

Robert glares at him and looks around at no one in particular.  
“ Shut up will ya?! “ he hisses in a harsh tone. Robert’s eyes doing dark. 

Aaron doesn’t make a reaction.  
He notes the shaking of Robert’s hands and looks at him plainly. “ Need another fix do ya? “ he comments, looks down at Robert’s hands and he does the same. Robert yanks his arms down covering them. 

“ What do you want? “ Robert asks him. 

“ I want you to stop. “ referring to the drugs. 

“ I can’t, and why is it any of your business? “ 

“ I care about you. “ 

I love you. 

Robert scoffs, looks down.  
“ No you don’t. “ 

Aaron is about to speak when Charity interrupts. 

“ One beer. “ Charity places the moist glass onto the table.  
She looks at Robert up and down and frowns. “ I seen you have better days, or weeks. “ she comments. 

Robert rolls his eyes and huffs.  
“ Thanks. “ he grumbles. Charity leaves when Aaron gives her a pointed look. 

Aaron sighs. “ Rob - “ 

“ Aaron leave it okay?! “ he spits out and leaves. Aaron follows him and grabs his arm making Robert spin around. 

“ I want to help ya - “ Aaron pleads. 

“ I’m unfixable Aaron, a lost cause - “ 

Chas walks up the two men and glares at Robert. She hates him, she once liked him but now she hates him. She hates Robert for causing her son the pain and hurt in the relationship. 

“ You have never been loved, I can tell. “ Chas tells Robert, his face falls like he is about to crumble. Aaron looks shocked by his mums harsh words.  
“ You need to stay away from my son, he doesn’t need you Robert - “ 

“ Mum shut up - “ 

“ He never loved you and no one will ever love a disappointment like you. “ She hisses in his face and walks away. 

“ Rob she’s wrong, don’t listen to her - “ 

“ It’s true. “ Robert tells him quietly. “ Just leave me alone. “ he whispers, slowly walks away leaving Aaron standing outside the back of the pub heartbroken again. 

-:- 

Aaron followed after him in a fast pace but a little too slow from Robert’s faster walking. When Aaron reaches the cottage he’s left outside in the cold, he sighs heavily and knocks on the door. He knocks repeatedly getting more and more impatient because Robert is deliberately ignoring him. 

“ Come on Robert! Open the door! “ He shouts backing away. 

Aaron sighs again, goes to grab the door handle and to his surprise the door opens. Aaron frowns but walks in anyway, anxiety reaching its peek, he could throttle his mum for saying those things to Robert.  
Aaron looks in the living room but he isn’t in there, Aaron walks up the stairs into Robert’s room and is met with him sweating and shaking as we wraps the substance into a cigarette on the desk. 

Robert jumps from his seat as his legs bump the edge of the surface. The cigarette falling to the floor and Robert flies down to save the drugs, Aaron just watches totally shocked. This can’t be Robert, it can’t. He wants to refuse to believe this Robert, this man who’s on the floor frantically picking up the little ashes of drugs off the floor is his husband. 

“ Rob - What - Whats happened to you? “ Is all Aaron can say. 

“ N-nothing - “ He stammers, shakily stands up and licks the cigarette for the two ends to stick together. Aaron sees the sweet on Robert’s forehead but it looks weird from the deathly pale skin. Aaron notices he’s lost weight as well. He looks awful. 

Aaron wipes away a tear stepping forward slowly.  
“ Please don’t take anymore - “ he begs. 

Robert frowns. “ why? What have I got to miss? No one cares about me do they? “ he laughs, he already sounds like he is high. 

“ I care, Vic and Diane care! “ 

Robert scoffs. He walks over to the wardrobe and gets out a bottle of Whisky. He stumbles mumbling things to himself, the cigarette still in his hand. 

“ You’ve got loads in there! “ Aaron points out, sees all the bottles lined up is shocked to see how much whiskey someone can have. 

Robert shrugs and opens the whiskey to takes a long gulp full. He moves away when Aaron tries to grab it. 

“ Leave will ya? “ Robert hisses.  
“ you’re not needed here, go - go back to your mum and Alex. They - they really care ‘bout ya. “ 

“ I’m not leaving you! I can’t watch you be like this! “ Aaron begs brokenly. 

Robert frowns, stumbles a bit.  
“ Like What? Broken? Damaged? I already know Aaron, i’m a lost cause - “ 

“ Please just - “ 

“ Fuck off Aaron! Leave me the fuck alone! “ Robert screams, throws the whiskey bottle against the wall, Aaron ducks terrified and yeh he leaves and Robert falls down sobbing his heart out. He hates how he has turned out like this, this - this druggy who’s addicted to Spice and Weed. He needs those throughout the day, cannot stop taking them with the alcohol.  
When Robert stops his broken cries he reaches for his phone, sees his broken reflection in the blank screen and wants to throw it against the wall - but he can’t because Jason’s contact is on there. He laughs bitterly. Robert taps onto the contact and takes a deep breath, his heart pounding and takes a shaky breath when Jason answers. 

“ Can I come to yours? “ 

Robert can tell he is smirking.  
“ I knew I could turn you around. We’ll be having lots of fun. “  
The phone call goes dead and Robert stares at it before getting up - grabbing his keys and going into his car driving to Jason’s house. 

/-/ 

“ Come in. “ Jason smirks at Robert and lets him in. When Robert anxiously walks past him, Jason looks up and down the back of Robert’s body whilst licking his lips. 

He gets them both some drugs and beers before sitting down in the sofa. “ Why are you here then? “ 

Robert ignores him, he needs to forget about Aaron needs to wash him out of his system. Jason is the top bloke with drugs. 

“ Because I want some peace and quite. “ Robert tells him quietly, his hands shake and his leg bounces. 

Jason smirks, eyes turning dark before moving closer to Robert stroking his arm. “ and you want to forget everything don’t ya? “ Jason sniggers. 

Robert nods his head feeling beyond vulnerable. “ Please I just need some spice or some - some pills - “ 

What the fuck is he doing? He doesn’t have control over his mind, can’t think straight anymore. He barely remembers ringing Jason. 

Jason smirks, leaning in to kiss Robert on the lips. Robert wants to move away but he can’t, it feels like his body has just shut down. “ I always knew you were scum. “ he tells him casually. “ But - you are one of the good ones. “ he smiles.  
Robert is confused, someone else saying good things to him and not the dirty looks off the villagers. Maybe he does belong here? Living on drugs? Being a rent-boy sleeping with men because he’s nothing. He’s nothing now, Seb not being his because it was impossible really considering they never slept together, he no longer has a husband or a home. He might as well just go off the rails because- who’s there to support him when he’s down? Victoria just calls him annoying and how he needs to grow up, because how he was acting, Diane calling him a disappointment and what would the mighty Jack think? No one needs him, he needs everything but the feeling isn’t mutual. But, Jason is here and yeh it’s bad but he is all Robert’s got as well as the drugs. 

Jason gently pinches Robert’s arm, smirks when Robert jumps a bit. “ You want some drugs? To calm your nerves? “ he tells him quietly, something in his voice is creepy. 

Robert nods his head. “ Y-Yeh. “ 

Jason smiles. “ You need to earn them first. “ 

Robert looks scared. “ By - by doing what? “ he whimpers. 

“ You need to let me be in control. “ he smirks. “ and when I’m done I can give you a whole stash load of ‘em. “ 

“ M’please I just want them now! I need them! “ Robert whines. It’s like he didn’t hear what Jason just said. The itch becoming worse under his skin, the verge to rip off his own face becoming unbearable. He wants to die. He also wants the drugs. 

And then this stupid fucking idea pops into his head because he is desperate. 

Desperate because of fucking drugs. 

“ I - I’ll give you a blowjob then! I can - I can do that so I won’t have to pay ya -“ Robert begs, eyes wide. 

“ You are disgusting. “ Jason laughs at him. 

“ P-please Jason - I need them I’m willing to do anything! “ Robert pleads. “ please - “ Robert breaks down into tears. 

Jason looks proud. After months of selling the drugs to Robert he has finally turned Robert into one of the desperate ones. Robert won’t remember a thing but maybe that’s because Jason slipped a sleeping pill into Robert’s drink beforehand. 

Jason pushes Robert down aggressively. “ I get them when we’re finished. “ he hisses, he straddles Robert as he takes off Robert’s jumper smirking at how Robert shakes whilst sweating. 

“ I am going to show you an amazing time. “ 

And yeh - Robert might as well just give up everything, even his dignity - all he needs is drugs to fill the void of pain. 

/-/ 

Aaron’s been calling Robert none stop for 2 hours till he leaves it for the night. He goes to sleep on Robert’s side feeling helpless. What can he do? How does he help? Should he tell Victoria? What if Robert hates him for doing that? Aaron sighs heavily from is mind racing, he obviously needs to tell someone he can’t keep this to himself - even when something could happen to Robert and he knew what’s he’s been doing. 

Aaron checks the time and it’s half nine in the morning, last night thoughts still vidivd in his memory and all he wants to do is rip them out. Aaron gets up heads downstairs to get breakfast before finding Robert. 

/-/ 

Jason swaggers into the living room smirking brightly at Robert who’s sleeping on the couch. Robert had been a total mess last night, crying, whining and other distressed noises till Jason had to shut him up. He has met loads of druggies in his time but this one? He’s the worst, he is hooked on them. 

He gets out his phone calls one of his ‘ mates.’ 

“ I got him. “ 

“ yeh? “ 

“ Like taking candy from a baby. “ Jason smirks. 

“ What will you be doing next? “ 

“ I am gonna have some fun with him, you see? He is dependent on the stuff mate, and he’ll do anything for ‘em. Which is why I’m gonna pursued him’ to have sex instead of payin’ for the drugs. “ 

“ And How is that gonna work? “ 

“ Last night was well adventurous to say the least, we’ve got a good one on our hands. We can’t loose him’. “ 

“ Good. “ 

Jason huffs hearing Robert stir.  
“ He’s up. Gotta go, wish me luck. “ he mocks. 

Robert groans uncomfortably, everywhere feels weird and he’s in loads of pain. He opens his eyes wider and - he isn’t at his sisters? Where - where is he? 

“ Princess is awake I see. “ Jason comments appearing suddenly by Robert. 

“ What - Why I’m I here? “ Robert stammers our scared. 

“ Don’t you remember? “ 

Robert is afraid to ask. 

“ You rang me last night wanting drugs and the next thing I know your kissin’ me. You slept with me last night. “ Jason lies, twisting Robert’s brain to make him even more weaker and vulnerable. 

Robert frowns. “ I can’t remember that? “ 

“ no you were off your face. “ Jason tells him plainly. He digs in his back pocket and throws Robert a bag of pills and spice.  
“ you’ve earned this. “ 

“ earned? “ he fears. 

Jason laughs at him and Robert flinches. “ You been good, but I want you to fuck off now that’ll last ya a few days considering your hooked on ‘em. “ Jason sniggers again. Robert hangs his head low ashamed.  
Jason grabs Robert and pulls him up, Robert stumbles a bit feeling dizzy. He needs those pills now. 

“ Go home, get wasted and when your done ring me and we can arranged something alright? “ Jason smirks at him. Robert slowly nods his head and walks out of the flat. Till he is outside and he is sick in the hedge. 

Out of all the people in his contacts, the only person he regretfully wants his Aaron. 

“ Aaron? “ he shakily asks. 

“ where are ya? “ Aaron asks him worried. 

“ P-pick me up - “ 

Robert wants to break down in tears. 

/-/ 

Robert looks out of the window too out of it to listen to Aaron’s angry rants. 

“ Are you fucking stupid! “ Aaron growls gripping the stirring wheel tighter. “ You could have caught something! You don’t go to someone’s fucking house and get their drugs of ‘em! “ Aaron shouts livid. “ are you even listening to me! “ 

“ No. “ 

Aaron slams on the breaks in a country road and stares at Robert. 

“ Don’t you care that you are slowly killing yourself? “ 

“ no. “ 

Aaron stares. Just stares. 

“ Why? “ He asks Robert, his voice now going softer. 

“ I want to die. “ 

“ We can get you some help. “ 

“ I’m too hooked on them, they’re my life now Aaron. “ Robert tells him, Aaron wants to pinch himself in the arm. Robert sounds so defeated like he has been brainwashed a thousand times. 

“ They’re not Rob, if you - “ 

“ I sold myself last night Aaron because of how desperate I am for them. “ Robert tells him quietly ashamed but can’t have it in himself to care. 

Aaron stares in horror, his chest suddenly having this aching pain. 

“ You What? “ Aaron lets out. 

Robert looks at Aaron and sees mixed emotions on his face - anger, sadness, disbelief and another unnamed emotion. 

“ I told him that I could give him a blowjob instead of payin’ for drugs. “ Robert told him quietly, doesn’t know why he is telling Aaron. 

“ Are you stupid? “ Aaron growls. Robert doesn’t say anything, wipes away a tear from his eye. “ Have you got them on you now? “ 

Robert risky takes a look at Aaron. “ why? “ 

“ I want to know. “ 

“ Yeh. “ 

Aaron takes Robert’s hand and holds it tightly. “ Please just let me help Rob. “ 

Robert shakes his head.  
“ I don’t want anyone’s help, I’m too far gone - “ he whimpers. 

“ No your not Rob - “ 

Robert yanks his hand away from Aaron suddenly looking angry. “ I have been takin’ them for months Aaron! “ he shouts. “ you don’t care about me! You only care because it’s the right thing to do! “ 

“ Your wrong - “ 

Robert scoffs jumps out of the car ignoring Aaron’s shouts even when he grabs his arm and Robert spins around. 

“ I’ll tell Victoria then and all of us can help you. “ Aaron threatens desperate. 

“ You do that Aaron. “ 

And that feels like Robert is mocking Aaron in some way?  
Robert carries on walking down the country road recognising it’s the road leading to Emmerdale. Aaron drives away unable to look at Robert, too angry at him but he still cares, still loves him even if Robert did sell himself last night for drugs. 

-:- 

Aaron stops opposite the Woolpack and heads towards the bar beyond angry. Chas looks concerned and asks her son what’s wrong but he grabs her arm to go into the back living room. He paces behind the sofa as Chas talks to him confused but a dark cloud crosses her face and her bottom lip curls. 

“ is this about Robert love? I told you he is worthless. “ 

Aaron stops dead and glares at his mum. “ You are such a fucking hypocrite! “ he growls. 

Chas frowns. “ You What? How I’m I love? “ 

“ You had affairs a while back! When you were with Paddy and used to get shacked up with Carl! “ 

“ And what has that got to do with anything Aaron? “ 

Aaron laughs from disbelief.  
“ You go all the high mighty when Robert cheated on me when you had affairs! “ 

“ But Robert is scum! Nobody hurts my boy! “ Chas shouts back. 

“ He isn’t scum! The lot of ya are fucking hypocrites! “ Aaron yells at her, now seeing it all. “ the whole village have had their dick or cunt in one another or someone else over the fucking years! Loads of affairs and cheats but when Robert had one fling he gets all you lot on his back! Why is he being treated differently but no one else? “ 

Chas looks taken back stunned.  
Because it’s true. 

“ Robert is a low life, he is manipulative, cocky, self - centred! All he cares about is himself! “ 

“ he’s changed! I thought you saw him like your son?! “ Aaron asks her now hurt. 

Chas laughs. “ of course I don’t. Who would? He is a walking disaster, hurts everyone wherever he goes. Jack was good to send him away - “ Chas nods her head mainly to herself. “ Robert Jacob Sugden is cancer. A little nasty disease. “  
Aaron slaps her across the face, has to pull himself back from not doing further damage.  
Chas touches her cheek shell shocked. Paddy bursts in hearing the radiating smack. 

“ what’s going on? “ Paddy demands, hugs Chas pulling her into his side watching Aaron looking like he’s about to murder someone. 

“ What’s going on?! That has called Robert cancer! “ 

“ I have to admit that is a step too far but he is a nasty man love. “ Chas softly tells him. 

Aaron shakes his head.  
“ he isn’t, he a kind, loving man behind all that attitude. “ he defends him. 

Paddy frowns. “ why are you doing the whole Robert Sugden fan club all a sudden? “ 

Aaron frowns. “ i care about him and don’t like people saying spiteful comments about him. “ he hints to Chas. 

Paddy sighs. “ Aaron you know he isn’t worth it, he cheated on ya, caused you to self - harm - “ 

“ That was all my issues, I will always have my problems relating to harming myself! It doesn’t matter who I’m with, my Mental Illness could always come back! Yeh Robert had a part to it, but it was prison, Jason, Gordon everything making me worse! “ 

“ We can’t forgive him - “ Chas tells her son stubbornly. 

“ Who said you need to forgive him? He is my husband - “ 

Chas stares at him so does Paddy, Aaron is shocked himself letting it slip. 

“ What did you just say? “ Paddy lets out coldly. 

Aaron takes a deep breath.  
“ Robert is my husband, I will always love him. “ 

“ Why? He cheated on you. “ 

“ only because he was hammered! But it doesn’t matter anyway does it? Rebecca told everyone they didn’t sleep together, Robert wasn’t even going to have a baby! Why are you still hooked onto this idea of him cheating? “ Aaron asks her frustrated. 

“ I just can’t trust him love. “ Chas tells him gently. 

Paddy and Chas share a look when Aaron breaks down into tears. “ Please just forgive him!” He cries wiping away his falling tears. Chas walks over to her son and holds him gently swaying to calm him. 

“ what’s happened? Is Robert okay? “ Chas asks, and yeh, when you take away the dislike she does care about Robert. 

“ You can’t - can’t judge him. Or tell anyone okay. “ Aaron sniffles pulling away from his mum. They both nod their head now looking anxious. “ Robs been taking drugs. “ he confesses. 

“ what? “ Paddy speaks surprised. 

“ Are you being serious? “ Chas says frowning. 

Robert? Taking drugs? That just seems beyond weird. Robert is a smart businessman, even Paddy and Chas can’t say anything about that. Robert isn’t the sort to take drugs. 

Aaron nods his head frantically.  
“ a few days ago I saw him buying off a drug dealer and then when you told him nobody loves him I saw him in the act in his room. I think he’s hooked on them mum. “ Aaron cries softly, voice breaking. “ He told me today he went to Jason’s - “ 

“ Jason prison Jason or different Jason? “ paddy interrupts. 

“ I don’t know. “ Aaron nearly shrugs. “ But Rob said he was that desperate for more he - he -“ Aaron breaks down into another flood of tears, the crushing pain of sadness hitting him again. “ he sold himself for more drugs at his. “ Aaron chokes out. 

“ sold himself? As in - “ 

Selling his body for sex to get drugs?  
God. 

Aaron nods his head agreeing to Paddy. Aaron is broken, Chas or Paddy have never seen him look so broken before. Even during the trial he didn’t look so - broken. Chas hates to admit it but Aaron is too in love with Robert and even her dislike towards Robert cannot change anything. 

“ Was - did he want it or - “ Chas stammers out not knowing the right words, as this is a touchy topic for her son. 

“ I don’t know. “ Aaron answers her sniffling. 

“ We need to help him. “ Paddy declares. 

Aaron looks half hopeful.  
“ you’ll him? “ 

Paddy looks awkward suddenly. “ yeh - I’ll always have my opinions ‘bout him but - he needs help and support doesn’t he? “ 

Aaron breaks out in a weak smile. “ Thank you Paddy. “ 

Chas takes a deep breath now feeling her own mother protective feeling going to Robert. God. She should have helped Robert, shouldn’t have let her own past feelings take over. 

“ I’ll help as well Love and I’ll help you two. “ She hugs her son tighter. Aaron breaks down again in her shoulder. 

If only Robert was here to listen to the support. 

-/- 

Robert stumbles into his bedroom ashamed of himself.  
He resents himself with a passion.  
The taking drugs started in August, the pain of his betrayal felt like a physical torture to him. But when the news came about Rebecca telling the whole pub ( delightfully by the way ) about how the both of them never slept together and there was no baby, he became the laughing stock. That made him even worse, he drank till he passed out but that started to not work anymore, his body too used to it. He started on drugs and basically become hooked on them, they helped to keep the loneliness away and the humiliation away. Victoria was disappointed in him, Robert could tell but he started to not care anymore. He lost all his energy and only cared about his next fix. Aaron hated him always ignored him or avoid him which brought more guilt to Robert, he hated to see the coldness in his (ex) husbands eyes. The little did he know Aaron was only pushing him away because of everyone else’s comments being drilled into his head.  
So, Robert became more isolated from everyone staying in his box room with load of drugs in his system.  
Robert never felt so alone. 

Robert walked into the bathroom stumbling and took of his clothes. The bruises scattered his body but he barely noticed nor the bones visible to see. He gets into the shower and lets the boiling water help the dirty feeling to do away. 

-/- 

Aaron finally finds Victoria in her house, at first she was confused why Aaron was here looking anxious and let him in. Aaron took a deep breath not answering Victoria’s confused questions. 

“ Robert’s taking drugs. “ He tells her heavily. 

Victoria’s eyebrows raise and she would have laughed if Aaron didn’t look so fragile. 

“ What? “ 

“ Robert is taking drugs. “ Aaron repeats. 

“ But - no he can’t - “ 

“ a few days ago I see him taking some off a drug dealer. “ he tells her nearly huffing. “ I saw him the next day in his room taking some or well about too. Yesterday he called me sayin’ I need to pick him up and he told me he sold - “ Aaron stopped as the words got stuck in his throat. “ he sold himself because he needed more. “ he choked out. 

Victoria didn’t move from the sofa, too stunned to comprehend the information. 

“ How long has he been - “ 

“ He said months. “ Aaron told her quietly. 

“ I - don’t know what to say. “ Victoria let out with her eyebrows borrowing. “ It’s strange. My brother wouldn’t ever sloop so low. “ 

Aaron cringed by how she said it. 

“ I think he has a lot of problems Vic, we need to help him. “ 

“ don’t you think i know that? “ she snapped and Aaron winces a bit. “ sorry sorry. “ Victoria rubbed her forehead. “ how are we going to help him? “ she asked him quietly. 

“ I don’t know but we need to try, talk to him because he isn’t himself at all. “ Aaron regretfully told her. 

“ where is he now? “ 

Aaron shrugged his shoulders.  
“ I don’t know. “ 

She clicked her jaw and stood up to go upstairs with Aaron following her. They met with Robert slumped in his bed sleeping. Victoria and Aaron both saw the lighter on the bedside table and nearly broke down. She tried waking him but he was unconscious. 

“ what do we do? “ Victoria fearfully asked, naive about this. 

Aaron sighed. “ Watch over him, give him cold towels because he looks ill. “ 

She nodded her head scared. 

Aaron told Victoria he’ll watch over Robert for the whole day and night he didn’t want to leave him. So, Aaron got cold towels to place on Robert’s head, talked to him and cried. He was thankful Liv is In Ireland staying with her mum for a while.  
Aaron eventfully fell asleep holding Robert’s hand as he slept on the chair. 

-:- 

Aaron stirred awake when Robert woke up groaning. 

“ You okay? “ Aaron asked him concerned. 

Robert frowned at him.  
“ what? Why are you here? “ 

“ Here to help and support you Rob, Victoria, Mum and Paddy as well. “ Aaron gently told him. But, Robert leaped up from the bed and was violently sick in the toilet shaking. Aaron rubbed his back comforting him ignoring the weird dark patches on Robert’s back. 

Aaron will help his husband throughout the darkest and toughest days of keeping Robert clean.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert goes to desperate measures again to get his hands onto more drugs when Victoria and Aaron try to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some sort of sexual assault in this but it isn’t shown only implied. Plus there are some slurs added as well near the ending.

Robert finally stopped being sick and slumped against the bathtub exhausted. Aaron flushed the toilet and gotten Robert a new cloth to apply to his sweaty face and the rest of his body. 

Robert barley moved his head but his eyes watched Aaron apply the thankfully cold cloth to his skin. 

“ What you doin’? “ Robert asked confused nearly slurring his words. The whole of his head was banging like drums and the light wasn’t helping either. 

“ I’m cooling you down, you’ve got a temperature. “ Aaron answered him calmly. 

Aaron hadn’t slept all night or yesterday for that matter. Robert was out of it, even when he was awake he wasn’t there mentally. Aaron had to restrain him when Robert kept kicking his legs or when he started whimpering disturbing things. 

“ I just need my spice and weed -“ Robert whined semi conscious, he rolled next to Aaron his head nearly on Aaron’s thigh. 

“ nope, not going to happen. “ Aaron firmly told him as much it breaks his heart he needs to keep Robert in control. 

Robert’s eyes went wide and he dizzily stood up shaking now more alert. “ what?! No - you can’t do that!” Robert shouts panicked with his heart hammering in his chest. 

“ They are wrecking you Robert, me and Vic are going to help you get clean. “ Aaron gently told him, putting the cloth into the sink. 

“ This has got nothing to do with you Aaron! “ he shouts, his heart thumping in his chest even harder now. All his skin feels itchy like loads of ants are crawling over him. 

“ i care about you Robert, I can’t watch you take anymore drugs!“ 

I love you, you idiot. 

Robert starred in anguish and pushed past Aaron heading into his room rooting for the drugs. Aaron took note he didn’t seem to notice he was stumbling over the place and the sweat now dripping off him. But what scared Aaron the most was he looked mad. 

“ No point in finding them, we throw them in the bin. “ Aaron told him leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed his chest. Robert growled at him and all Aaron saw is anger maybe even hatred? 

“ YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT! “ Robert screams. 

“ I’m protecting you! “ 

“ yeh? Where the fuck have you been Aaron? The past few months of me taking drugs where have you been? “ Robert hissed in Aaron’s face watching his face fall. But Robert didn’t let the guilt kick in, he needs the drugs. 

Aaron wiped away a tear from his face. “ And I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry I let you down during those months but I was healing. But, I’m here now to help you. “ 

“ Save yourself Aaron. “ Robert told him the rage fading and left with tiredness. He brushed past Aaron who looked like he’d taken a punch. Aaron followed Robert downstairs where Victoria was cooking breakfast. 

“ hello Rob. “ she smiled brightly, too bright. 

“ hi? “ Robert said more like a question he looked indifferent. He was curling himself in looking around the room oddly fascinated in the decor. Victoria frowned but forced a smile trying to be normal even when Robert is itching his arm till the skin turns red. 

“ you hungry? “ 

Robert shook his head, he looking around the room searching for his wallet and keys. 

“ Rob you need to eat, you’re skin and bones. “ Aaron’s words going on deaf ears. 

“ Where’s my wallet and keys? “ 

Aaron glanced at Victoria before sighing, now feeling apprehensive. “ we’ve hid them.” 

“ WHAT!? Why have you done that for? You fucking bastards!” Robert spit out lividly, his body shaking like a leaf. Now he feels like he is about to murder someone. 

“ We’re protecting you. “ Victoria told him gently, putting down the spoon. 

Robert shook his head frantically. “ N’no no! “ he whispered like he’s in pain. Maybe he is? 

“ Rob just calm down for us - l “ 

“ Give me them back! “ Robert spat out the red cloud going over his face his eyes full of anger. 

“ Rob you are becoming ill - “ 

Robert couldn’t hear anything else. The loud ringing noise becoming too much and the next thing comes is the rage. He kicks the table over and shoves past Aaron making him stumble into the cabinet. He legs it out of his sisters house ignoring their shouts and sprinting faster when Aaron tries to catch up to him. 

There is only one place where he can go. The one place where it has all the drugs he needs - Jason’s. But, he knows what he has to do to ‘ earn ‘ the drugs and it is the only desperate way to get his hands on them. 

/-/ 

Robert pants from the running, he knows he looks terrible but can’t bring himself to care. He only needs to get the drugs and have his ‘ fix’. Robert knocks on the door and Jason opens it and smirks seeing Robert shake from withdraw symptoms. 

“ To be honest with you I was expecting to see your face in a few days. But, it’s only been one. “ Jason mocks him with a nasty grin. 

Robert ignores him, the itchiness under his skin too much for him to handle. 

“ I will do anything you want. “ Robert tells him, selling himself on the table like a bloody fish at a market. He is too desperate, he’ll sell himself to get the weed and spice. But even those are becoming useless for him now, he needs something stronger something that will knock him out like a light. 

Jason smirks. “ Will you now? “ 

Robert nods his head with his heart hammering in his chest like a bird in a cage. That must be abnormal? “ I’ll do - what you want Jason please I need more - something more stronger - “ he begged nearly crying from desperation, he can barely breathe. 

“ You best come in then. “ 

Robert walks past him and stands in the living room. He jumps when Jason strokes his back intimating. 

“ Can - can I have them then? “ Robert asked uncomfortable with the sweating and the shakes. 

“ well, I need to ring a few people to see if you are allowed.” Jason nearly shrugged his shoulders, not bothered about how Robert looks like he is about to collapse. 

“ Allowed? “ Robert borrowed his eyebrows. The timing in his reaction slow. 

“ yeh, where do you think I get the drugs from? And it looks like you’ve forgotten the others time when you’ve payed with sex. “ Jason laughed at Robert shoving the man into the couch. Robert stumbled and fell with a thud onto the couch with Jason watching him on amusement. 

“ try not to die whilst I’m on the phone, I can’t be bothered with the hassle. “ 

Robert watched him go cowardly. He hates this place and the people he is now involved in but he’s used to it unfortunately.  
Jason swaggers back into the living room and plonks himself down into the other single chair. He whips out his lighter and a cigarette deliberately in front of Robert. 

“ well? “ Robert asks impatient, scratching his arm seeing the man smoke on the weed. 

Jason takes the cigarette out of his mouth and blows out the smoke onto Robert’s direction teasingly. 

“ well what? “ Jason responds. 

He frowns with anger bubbling under his skin. “ You rang your mates about the drugs. “ he points out. 

“ Oh right yeh, you’re not allowed. “ 

Robert’s eyes go wide and the panic sets in feeling like his world has collapsed around him. 

“ what! “ 

Jason breaks out into a hysterical laugh. “ Oh my god you should’ve seen ya face! “  
Robert internally curls himself into a ball. “ They want you to pay with sex. “ he said bluntly. 

“ S-sex? “ Robert sits up straighter not knowing if his heart is thumping from the lack of drugs or the panic of having sex. 

“ yeh Robert, you know sex? Where you stick - “ 

“ I know what it is! “ Robert nearly shouts irritated. 

Jason smirks. “ your choice Robert, easier to pay with sex than payin’ 30 quid for a bag of weed and spice. “ He suggested. Robert stared at him the conflict in his brain giving him a headache. “ You pay them with sex and get the drugs after. A nice attractive bloke like you must’ve shagged his way through life. You have done it before. “ Jason kicked Robert’s ankle laughing. 

“ B- but no no! I can’t do it again! “ Robert cried. 

“ no drugs for you then. “ Jason shrugged his shoulders. 

“ You can’t do that! I need them! “ Robert panicked standing up suddenly becoming irritated even more. 

“ Yeh I can, but you can just not use the drugs? “ 

“ I can’t stop! FUCK! “ Robert sat back down and broke down on the man’s couch. He silently rocked backwards and forwards as Jason now sat next to him. 

“ you really are hooked onto them aren’t you? “ Jason rhetorically asked him, it only now dawning on him. 

“ Fuck off. “ Robert choked out. 

“ Listen to me mate - “ He grabbed hold of Robert’s jumper. “ you are the one who gets the drugs because you’re scum. No fucker tells me to fuck off got it? “ he hissed in Robert’s face. 

Robert looked scared for himself considering Jason is a bigly built bloke. “ I’m - I’m sorry! Please stay I didn’t mean it! “ 

“ So you should be. Now, are ya gonna have sex with them or gonna not have the drugs? “ he clocked his head like he is threatening him. 

“ I’ll have sex with them. “ Robert told him quietly ashamed of himself.

-/- 

Aaron sobbed. “ He’s gone! “  
Victoria shushed him whilst rubbing his back on her couch comforting him whilst he cried into his hands. 

“ we’ll find him Aaron, he wouldn’t have gone far. “ 

Aaron turned to look at her outraged with losing hope. “ Vic we have looked everywhere! The village - Hotton! “ 

“ And we will look more tomorrow Aaron, we spent hours looking for him. We need to go to bed and you need to tell Paddy and Chas. “ 

Aaron sighed heavily looking at his watch and sighed again. It’s 20:00 and he is still at Victoria’s. They had searched the whole of the town central of Hotton, they asked everyone plus showing pictures of what Robert looked like. Aaron wanted to carry on looking for Robert when the time came to 6 clock on the outer skirts of Hotton. He wanted to look through every ally, every pathway basically every single inch and angle of the place but Victoria finally gotten Acorn to listen and go back to Emmerdale. 

“ I need to go and tell Mum and Paddy about Robert. “ Aaron said heavily getting up from the sofa as Victoria did the same. 

“ Won’t they be in bed? “ 

Aaron shook his head exhausted. “ No. “ 

Victoria looked suddenly awkward and started playing with her sleeve. “ Will you be look- “ 

“ The minuet I get up I will start looking for him. I can’t give up Vic, especially how I’ve treated him. “ Aaron wiped away a tear beyond guilty. 

“ This is none of your fault Aaron, you were healing. “ Victoria told him calmly. 

“ I kept giving him the cold shoulder, I kept tellin’ him we’re over and I don’t love him anymore when I do! I love him so much -“ his voice cracking. “ and now I might lose him for good. “ he cried.  
Victoria’s face changes to sympathetic and hugged Aaron putting her chin on his shoulder. 

“ We will find our Robert okay? We will help him and he’ll be the Robert we used to know. “ 

Aaron wished he could believe that. Robert probably won’t ever be the same again, drugs wrecks your mental and physical health till the point where you don’t know what’s reality anymore. Aaron hates to admit it but his Robert may not be the person he fell in love with. 

/-/ 

“ love whats the matter? “ Chas asked her son beyond worried directing him to the sofa as he cried. 

Paddy moved out of the way and gestured to the kitchen with his thumb. “ I’ll make a cup of tea. “ chas nodded her head towards her boyfriend before turning her attention back onto her son.

“ what’s happened Aaron? Is it Robert? “ She asked him.

“ He’s gone mum. “ Aaron choked out. 

“ Gone? Died? “ Her face paled. 

Aaron shook his head. “ Gone missing but - I don’t even know if he is alive or dead! “ 

“ Why did he go missing? “ paddy asked ears dropping from the kitchen counter. 

“ Me and Vic hid his keys and wallet because we tried helping him get clean - “ Aaron explained but got cut off by Paddy. 

“ By holding him captive? Whilst being hooked on drugs? “ Paddy told him bluntly. “ what were you expecting to happen? For him to jump up and down with joy when he finds out he can’t get the only thing that keeps him throughout the day?” 

Aaron glared at him. “ Alright Paddy! I know we’ve done the stupid thing not thinking it through but we’re desperate to help him! “ 

Paddy sighed and sat down on the coffee table looking at his son acting like he is one of the fragile puppies in the Vets.  
“ Aaron, you should have talked to him instead of taking away his property. “ 

“ Paddy I think Aaron understands his mistake. “ Chas pointedly told him. 

“ What are you going to do? “ 

Aaron shrugged his shoulders.  
“ I don’t know. All today I’ve been searching for him but it was a waste of time. “ 

“ why can’t you call the police?” Paddy asked. 

Aaron scoffed. “ like they’ll help Paddy, once they hear ‘ drug dealer ‘ they’ll lose interest. “ he told them bitterly. 

“ You can at least try - “ 

“ No Paddy I can’t! What if they find him and get him locked up for taking drugs?! “ Aaron told him surprised by the wobble in his voice. 

Chas sighed. “ Do you want me to ring Cain? “ 

“ He doesn’t even like Robert. “ Aaron told her heavily. 

“ I know love but he’ll do it for you. “ 

“ Do it tomorrow. “ Aaron told her. “ I need to carry on finding him then. I just - I can’t believe he’s doing this to me! “ Aaron softly cried. “ he is slowly killing himself and he doesn’t even care anymore, I haven’t even told him I love him. “ 

“ You’ll get time. “ Chas gently told him, Paddy and her looked bit stunned when Aaron stood up like a bull in a cage.

“ what if I don’t? What if I eventually find him dead in a ditch from too much drugs? I’ll be a widower by the age of 26, I would have to bury my husband who I wanted to spend a full life with! “ Aaron shouted distressed before running out of the back room crying his heart out. 

He wanted to spend a full life with Robert but now it is slowly slipping away into nothing. Maybe he is losing hope. Doesn’t that make him a terrible husband? All the times Robert has helped him and he can’t even find the strength to search for his supposed husband? What does that make him? 

-/- 

Jason walked back into the room with one of his drug dealers aside of him. Robert shakily looked at them both and wanted to be sick from the nerves. The man looked at Robert up and down before smirking, he looked horrible in Robert’s opinion. He supported a large gut with a load of tattoos covering his arms and had a bald head. 

“ I take it your Robert? “ The man declared his voice ruff and husky. 

He’s waited 30 minutes for this bloke to come along and now all he wants is for this to be over and done with. 

“ Yeh. “ 

The man grinned turning to Jason. “ I’m gonna have loads of fun with this one. “ his voice going low. “ you don’t speak much do ya? “ the man asked Robert straightening his spine. 

“ what do you want me to say? “ 

A dark cloud went over the man’s face and the next thing he’s grabbing for Robert till he’s nearly off the floor. 

“ Don’t get snarky with me mate or I’ll rip your fucking throat out and I’ll let all my mates fuck you till you become a ragged stuffed up doll got?! “ 

“ I’m - I’m sorry - “ 

“ oh you will be sorry when I’m done with ya. “ 

The man chucked Robert into the following room onto the bed before slamming the door shut. 

40 minutes later The man came out of the room looking smug as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. He stood opposite Jason grinning looking pleased with himself. 

“ He’s not a bad one you know. “ The man told Jason looking satisfied. “ I think I trained him well before and looks like he’s remembered. “ he tells him pleased. 

“ His’ brain isn’t totally shrivelled up then. “ 

“ Nope. We made a deal, he keeps this up and each shag he gets he gets a mixture of drugs. Because let’s face it weed and spice aren’t exactly helping him.” The man laughs with Jason. 

“ Mate you gotta right druggy on your hands though you sure -“ 

The man roughly put his hand onto Jason’s shoulder. “ He’s a slut whore, he’ll do anything for drugs. I think I’ll be fine. “ he told him confidently. He left the flat and Jason walked into the room looking at Robert crying on the bed naked as he injected himself. 

“ You are disgusting. “ Jason told him with disgust covering his voice. 

Robert blow out a deep breath rolling the back his head on the wall. “ I know. “ he whisper quietly but enough for Jason to hear. 

“ Do you even have anyone who loves you? Who do you even stay with? “ Jason judged. 

Robert wiped away a tear seeing the room turn double.  
“ My - sister. “ 

“ god. How sad is that? “ Jason laughed. Robert barley heard him the drugs now taking their toll. “ You could stay here, get stuffed up on drugs and sell yourself or become a drug dealer. “ he suggested wanting Robert at his lowest. 

“ m’why? “ Robert asked nearly whimpered. 

“ because you are a slut whore for drugs and we might as well use ya. “ 

And Robert vomited over the bed. 

Jason heaved. “ Fucking hell. Get out you fucking disgrace.” He ordered and lunged at Robert through him out of the flat with his clothes. Robert lay on the hard cold ground for a while, he couldn’t move till he found a bit of strength and put in his clothes again. He couldn’t feel the stinging in his lower back or inside him. And he was thankful. 

/-/ 

Aaron was out again driving around Hotton when he saw a figure walking ( barely ) through the streets. It was Robert and Aaron felt his heart crush at the sight of him. The clothes were ragged, his heart a mess, his face pale and hollow. He looked barley alive. Aaron put his foot down on the accelerator and made a stop next to Robert but he didn’t notice. Aaron quickly got out of his car and grabbed Robert dragging him into the passenger seat.  
Aaron got behind the steering wheel glaring at Robert with his head slump on the head rest. 

“ where the fuck have you been Robert? “ 

Robert laughed. 

“ How is this funny? “ Aaron growled till it dawned on him. “ You’ve taken more drugs haven’t you? “ he pointed out matter of factly. 

“ and what if did? “ Robert responded not bothered. 

He sighed heavily. “ How did you get them anyway? You didn’t have your wall- “ no. Please god no. “ Please tell me you didn’t buy with sex. “ Aaron asked him scared. 

“ I had too. “ Robert told him quietly his own voice breaking. 

Aaron cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has questions please comment but stay respectful as I didn’t intentionally mean to upset people.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to stay clean for 3 days, but his withdrawal symptoms get the better of him and leading to suicide attempts ( not graphic ).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who may be waiting for an update.

“ Oh Rob I’m so glad your back.” Victoria said relieved as she tightly hugged her brother. 

“ hmm. “ Robert hummed drowsy, Aaron had to hold him up because he wasn’t standing properly. 

Victoria’s eyebrows wrinkled on her forehead watching her brother look like he’s not in the room. 

“ Is he okay? “ Victoria asked. 

“ He’s taken drugs. “ Aaron told her heavily. “ I’m gonna take him to bed. Can you bring up some water? “ he asked her and waited for the nod. It had taken bit of a long time to walk up the stairs with Robert but they eventually got to his room. Robert flopped onto the bed and fell unconscious. Aaron started to undress him as the clothes were wet and a bit blooded. Aaron frowned seeing a mark on Robert’s arm and his heart sank, it looked like he’d injected himself with something.   
Please don’t let it be herion, Aaron silently wished. 

“ Where did you find him? “   
Victoria appears out of nowhere making Aaron jump from the silence. 

“ Walking in Hotton at a random park. “ he answers heavily. 

“ a park? “ 

“ yeh Vic a park. “ Aaron snaps. 

Victoria makes a face taken back. “ Sorry. “ 

Aaron sighs again and drops Robert’s clothes onto the floor. He makes sure the quilt is over him keeping him warm and he faces Victoria. 

“ I saw him walking - he was out of it. “ Aaron explains distracted. He just wants to keep his focus on his husband and that’s exactly what he tells Victoria. 

Whilst Robert is in his drug induced deep sleep Aaron’s mind wonders again and he gets this deep feeling of anger towards Robert. How can he just turn to drugs when the rough gets tough? And then Aaron mentally punches himself because that’s just harsh isn’t it? Robert just have his own demons, of course he would considering Rebecca told the whole flaming pub they never slept together and the baby wasn’t even Robert’s. Plus the breakup and the whole village not liking him and the remarks being thrown his way. Aaron wishes he noticed the off signs but he never. 

He never noticed a thing. 

Robert always noticed the signs before Aaron even knew himself, Robert was always good with words and comforting but Aaron? He isn’t so much, he panics when his love is in a crisis or danger. His mind goes blank and all he can do is stare because he doesn’t know what to do. Only now, he feels like he’s doing something, the counselling doing its job and he feels better. 

Chas and Paddy try to help but it goes to pointless, what can they do? Robert doesn’t want to over crowd Robert with people, and selfishly he wants Robert all to himself so he can help him. To show him he’s there for him, and maybe in the future ( sooner than later let’s hope ) they will finally get their happy ending. 

-/- 

“ How long have I been asleep for? “ Robert asks, groggy. He wants to knock himself out again from the agonising pain in his head from the feeling of filled cotton wool in his brain. 

Aaron passes Robert a glass of water whilst noticing the shaking hands. That takes a hit to Aaron’s heart. 

“ A few hours. “ Aaron replies, moves his gaze from Robert’s shaking hands to his deathly pale face. He looks like a Zombie. 

Robert frowns. “ why are you here? “ 

“ I helped you, I took you back here after you ran off yesterday and you slept at that druggies ‘ouse . “ 

“ I don’t remember that? “ Robert comments confused. It’s like everything has been deleted. 

Aaron sighs. He googled the symptoms and memory loss is one of them, unfortunately. 

“ Well you did. “ He says, nearly shrugs. Aaron sits on the edge of the bed and plays with his sleeve. “ You want to tell me how you got the drugs then? “ considering he already knows like but wants to hear it again, to see if Robert remembers. 

“ I Err? “ Is What comes out.   
“ I think I went to Johns house? And I - “ Robert clears his throat and stops talking. The mental images flooding back into his hazy brain. 

“ you can tell me. “ Aaron pushes on, gently. 

Robert sighs. “ Why do you care? “ He snaps, anger coming out of bloody nowhere. Why is Aaron even here! 

“ Because I care about you. “ I love you. “ And I want to help ya. “ 

Robert twitches, his jaw clicks and clenches. Robert huffs.   
“ I sold myself okay! I bloody sold myself for drugs. There you go you got your bloody answer now Aaron! “ Robert shouts harshly pacing around the small box room. 

Aaron stays silent, watches this man, this man who used to he so perfect? Now so broken? How could things have gone so bad? 

“ I fucking let him use me like a sex doll for a bag of drugs. “ Robert sounds sad, his voice cracking. The lump in his throat increasing. “ And you know what? “ he leaned closer to Aaron and he can see the terror and pain in his gorgeous blue/green eyes. “ I didn’t give a toss. “ Robert laughs bitterly. Aaron flinches, deeply uncomfortable by how Robert seems so - so mad yet calm. “ I didn’t give a toss because I knew I was going to get the drugs, I knew that I could finally fall into the dark space away from reality. “ he nods at no one, Aaron thinks maybe he’s agreeing to himself? 

“ You could’ve contracted a sexual disease Robert. “ Aaron stresses, stands up facing the taller man. 

Robert shrugs. “ All well it’s only me isn’t it? “ 

Aaron looks pissed off. “ You What? You can get seriously ill! You could get Aids! Or HIV! “ 

Robert shakes his head angrily. “ it doesn’t matter Aaron. “ 

“ of course it does! “ 

The next thing Aaron is being pushed onto the bed with force. He stares stunned at the too far gone Robert who is now leaning over him. Aaron has never felt so terrified with Robert before, only that time when he held a gun to his head. 

“ Stay out of it Aaron. “ Robert hisses. The adrenaline running through him going in waves, he feels himself slowly falling apart and becoming uncontrollable. 

He should be scared - but he’s disconnected from his brain. 

/-/ 

Victoria looks over to the door and sees her brother look like a bull stuck in a cage.   
She instantly feels anxious. 

“ Robert? Do you want something to eat? “ 

“ No. “ 

They both turn when the door is opened, Chas and Paddy walk in forcing to look ‘ normal ‘ around Robert. 

“ Hiya love. “ Chas smiles, Victoria and Robert can ell she looks shocked seeing the state of Robert. 

“ why are you here? “ Robert grumbles. 

“ Because I want to see you. “ Chas replies. 

“ And you? “ Robert nods to Paddy who looks flustered. 

“ I - I Err wanted to see you as well. “ Paddy stutters embarrassingly. “ mate. “ he adds awkwardly. 

Robert doesn’t say anything, just stands there awkwardly behind the sofa shaking. It feels like all the walls are caving in and he’s becoming trapped. 

“ I need to go. “ 

Aaron blocks the pathway to the door, stands tall shoulders back with his chest forward ready to have a fight. 

“ You’re not going anywhere. “ 

“ You can’t stop me! “ Robert shouts, feels all the eyes on him. 

“ Love, What If you just down yeh? “ Chas speaks up walking slowly to him, putting her hand gently onto his shoulder. 

“ Yeh Rob - “ 

Robert turns around too quickly, his dizziness worsening and he’s falling to the floor. Paddy catches him just in time and the next thing he’s being lifted to the sofa. It feels like he is watching himself, feels half awake.   
Robert shakes on the sofa, feels cold but boiling hot feels his lungs slowly closing in on themselves. 

“ Too much I want to go - “ Robert whimpers, rocking slowly on his side. Chas shares a look with Paddy. 

“ it’s going to be okay Robert, you’re going to be okay. “ Paddy tells him, strangely has this warmth to him now towards Robert. He rubs Robert’s shoulder blade heartbroken by how broken Robert looks. 

“ When was the last time you taken drugs? “ Chas asks him softly. Robert seems like he isn’t here, he doesn’t notice Aaron threading his fingers through the nearly damp hair, Victoria applying a cold cloth to his forehead or Paddy and Chas sitting on the coffee table. 

“ M’yesterday. “ Robert slurred. 

Paddy frowns. “ And you are already getting withdrawal symptoms? “ He says it before he even thought about it. Aaron shoots him an angry look. 

“ Yes Paddy, you buffoon . “ Robert hisses back. 

Chas bites back a chuckle considering the circumstances. 

Robert rolls on the edge of the sofa groaning. “ I’m going be sick. “ he groans. 

“ It’s just nausea love. “ Chas tells him. 

“ I need some. “ Robert cries from the pain. 

“ You know you can’t. “ Aaron pipes up softly. 

“ You can’t help me, I’m too far gone, I’m too hooked on them. “ Robert cries brokenly. 

“ Robert don’t lose hope okay? Where’s the confident Robert Sugden gone eh? The one who never took no for an answer? “ Paddy softly tells him. 

“ He’s gone. He has died and now your stuck with this. “ Robert replies bitterly. 

Eventually Robert falls asleep, Victoria coaxed him into having a sandwich only for it to greet her the floor. Robert didn’t seem to care about the trenching smell or the sick on his top. Robert didn’t bat a eye lid when Aaron had to change him into new clothes on the sofa.   
Paddy and Chas left shortly later, saying they will fetch Aaron’s clothes when he said he’ll be going nowhere but Victoria’s house. 

/-/ 

Robert sobs against his pillow hysterically shaking going hot and cold every ten minutes. It’s only been two days without the drugs and it is painful without them. He needs them, just like he needs oxygen. 

“ Why can’t you just let me die!” He chokes out sounding terrible. Aaron winces from the dryness of his voice. 

He sounds like a little boy when he hasn’t got his own way. Aaron ignores him, letting his own tears fall down his cheeks and carries on placing the cold cloth onto his husbands forehead and the rest of his face.

Aaron let Robert go to the toilet an hour ago, only to find Robert trying to cut his wrists were his veins are. Aaron screamed at him to stop till Robert just stopped because of the spasm of his hand. He sobbed louder as he collapsed wishing he could die. 

Now, they were both on the bed with Robert shaking and being sick into the bucket. Robert felt horrid. He felt beyond nauseous, he was sweating through all his clothes, he is boiling hot then freezing cold - he wanted to die. 

“ P-please Aaron let - let have a bit please! “ Robert begged him grabbing Aaron’s wrist his eyes wide with desperation. 

Aaron shook his head slowly, visibly gulping down the lump in his throat. “ No, you need to become clean from that poison.” 

Robert pushed Aaron away finding sudden strength and frantically searching for the hidden drugs. Aaron watched him from the bed unable to move. 

“ I need them - need them now - where are you - “ Robert half shouted, it’s like he isn’t in reality anymore. After 5 minutes of trying to find them he turned to Aaron looking like a man possessed. “ WHERE ARE THEY?! “ Robert screamed and Aaron flinched now scared of Robert. Robert doesn’t even seem like Robert anymore. 

“ I - no you can’t have anymore!” Aaron shouted through frustration. He wants to scream they’re slowly killing you! Can you not see the effect they’re having on you? But he knows it will go on deaf ears. 

“ I need them Aaron! Please! “ Robert clutched Aaron’s hoodie frantically, panting hard exhausted. 

“ I can’t watch you slowly kill yourself. “ Aaron choked out. Robert made a strange noise in the back of his throat and repeated kicked the wall till it made a hole. 

“ Where - give me phone - give - can’t do this anymore- “ Robert shook his head with his voice cracking pulling his own hair through desperation. He went to open the door but Aaron grabbed his arm just in time. 

“ No Robert, I’m here now okay? I know you can do this. “ Aaron soothed him gently threading his fingers through the damp blonde hair. 

“ can’t carry on like this - please just let me die. “ Robert whimpered. “ I don’t want it no more. “ he cried. Aaron sighed softly and slowly brought Robert back to his bed. 

“ You have to Rob. “ 

When Robert woke up around lunchtime Aaron tried to distract him with passwords, a book with join the dots but he became irritated and the banging headache worsened. Ever since he’s been restless. 

“ PLEASE! “ 

Robert bolted for the door in a haze before battling with Aaron both trying to open and close the door. Aaron wrapped his toned arms around Robert’s chest keeping him trapped. He leant against the wardrobe letting the tears fall as Robert cried bitterly trying to set himself free. 

“ No. I need to leave. You can’t do this! “ Robert screamed. 

“ calm down Robert. “ 

“ I can’t! You try to stay fucking calm when all you want to do is get fucked up and die! “

Aaron didn’t see Robert’s eyes glazed over in a daze with doubt. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, his whole body burning from flames, his his blood burning through his veins. Robert kicked Aaron in the crotch and Aaron felt the air escape his lungs. He ran after Robert in tremendous pain but he stood at the end of the staircase starring Robert down. 

He felt his legs turn jelly, his shoulders shaking overwhelmed by it all. 

“ You are seriously going to choose the drugs over your own husband? “ Aaron let the hurt be visible in his voice, he couldn’t do this anymore. 

Robert turned around from the failed attempt at opening the padlock. 

“ what? “ 

“ You’re seriously picking the drugs over me? “ Aaron repeated heartbreaking, he sounded so defeated. 

Robert cried, falling down against the door with his knees brought up to his chest crying into his hands. Aaron slumped onto the step, watching his husband cry like a little boy. 

“ I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! “ Robert cried out. “ I can’t stop! “ 

“ You can Robert, you are already doing so well, it’s the second day and you haven’t had anything. “ 

“ It hurts Aaron! It hurts so much! I just want everything to go away! “ Robert choked out distressed. 

“ And it will in time, but you need to be clean first. “ 

“ What if I’m too broken? “

“ Nobodys too broken Robert to be fixed. “ 

Robert looked up with blood shot eyes. “ I give up. I want to fucking die. “ he cried. 

“ Do you want to go to bed? “ Aaron asked, ignoring what he’s saying. 

Robert tiredly nodded his head and slowly stood up from the floor and collapsed onto his bed. Aaron made sure he was fast asleep and quickly hid all the knifes, blades - anything Robert can harm himself with. Aaron felt weird that he was the one doing this, when Robert wasn’t the type to harm his body like him. And that broke Aaron’s heart even more. 

-/- 

Victoria brought up a cold glass of water and placed it onto the bedside table. She looked at her sleeping brother and Aaron sitting next to him looking shattered. 

“ How is he then? “ She asked. 

Aaron nearly shrugged his shoulders. “ He begged me for some drugs earlier on and wanted his phone but after I told him no he tried escaping. Long story short he had a emotional breakdown and I managed to bring him back to bed. “ 

“ God. “ Victoria let out. “ was he okay? “ she asked worried. 

Aaron slowly nod his head. “ He’s not fine fine, it will take him a long time to fully be independent without them. We need to take each day slowly and not overcrowd him. “ 

Victoria nodded her head before frowning naively. “ How did he get the drugs without any money on him anyway? “ 

“ He sold himself. “ Aaron told her dead behind the words. 

Victoria looked like she wanted to be sick from the words. Speechless is the word to describe the shock. 

“ He - he what? He might have have contracted a disease! “ 

“ Don’t you think I know that? “ Aaron pointed out sharply. “ but I obviously can’t go out with him like this can I? “ meaning to go to the health clinic. 

Victoria sighed. “ Should we send him to reha- “ 

“ no. “ Aaron interrupted. 

“ But we aren’t - “ 

“ Vic I am not sending my husband to some clinic where I am unable to see him. I am going to help him. “ 

Victoria doesn’t process the “ my husband “ part. 

“ What If we cant help him? “ Victoria asked quietly, sad. 

“ I’m willing to do anything Vic, I love him, I can’t watch him sink even more. “ 

And that’s all she needs go know. Victoria give Aaron a small smile before moving back downstairs and cry silently on the sofa. The pain of her brother being a druggy and having withdraw symptoms is just - unbelievable. Robert was always so healthy and wouldn’t ever go near that stuff but now? Her once clean shaven, healthy brother now thin and grey. She can’t wrap her head around it. 

/-/ 

Robert groaned and rolled onto his side, his vision going double instantly. “ Your still here? “ he let out seeing Aaron sitting on the chair next to him. 

“ yep. “ 

“ You meant what you said the other day? You still want to be my husband? “ Robert let out slowly. 

Aaron took Robert’s cold clammy hand in his hold.   
“ I have always been your husband Robert, I never stopped. We need to focus on you now, we can discuss things when you’re fully better and more alert about things okay? “ 

Robert nodded his head, eyes dropping heavily. “ O’kay. “ he nearly whispered, he feels out of it. “ I really have a problem don’t I? Bet the great Jack Sugden would be proud? “ a bitter slow chuckle escapes Robert’s lips. He still lies down on his bed, too exhausted to move considering he’s slept for 14 hours. Aaron doesn’t say anything, there’ll be no point. “ Bisexual, drug addict, cheater, disappointment - the list can go on. “ he lets out slowly, moves his eyes to look at Aaron watching him with a pitiful look on his face. 

Robert doesn’t move, stares at the wall with the massive hole in it blankly. He is a disappointment. Jack would be ashamed to call him his son, everyone would be ashamed to know Robert as the ‘ village druggy. ‘ he wants out, he can’t go on any longer. Too tired of everything, he’s had enough 

“ I’m going to have a shower. “ Robert says out of nowhere. Aaron frowns, a bit stunned. 

After 20 minutes of Aaron pacing in small circles outside the bathroom he becomes even more anxious. Robert hasn’t made any sort of noise whilst being in there, only the shower running. Aaron doesn’t know if he should walk in there and get a mouthful of verbal abuse or carry on feeling stupid.   
He decides to take the bullet and walk in. 

He walks in with Robert trying to strangle himself by the rail curtain. Aaron moves like a flash and cries and battles with Robert to untie the rope he’s made around his neck. 

“ What you doing you fucking idiot! “ Aaron cries, hugs the living day out of Robert when he finally sets him free. 

“ I don’t want to be here. “ 

Aaron sobs into Robert’s shoulder. “ Please just stop trying to kill ya’self! “ 

Tears slide down Robert’s cheeks onto Aaron’s dark purple hoodie. “ It hurts so much Aaron. I just wanted it to stop. “ 

Aaron’s hands grips harder on Robert’s back, pushing his body further into Robert’s.   
“ I know baby, “ the nickname slips out, Aaron strangely likes it. “ But you just have to wait a bit longer and you’ll feel better soon. “ 

“ I hate this! I hate me! I just need a bit, please Aaron! “ Robert cried into Aaron’s shoulder, breaking down completely. 

Aaron pulled away cupping Robert’s jaw and gently stroking his cheek with his thumb.   
“ I won’t give you anything, please just - stop trying to hurt yourself okay? I know it’s hard, beyond that, but you just need to carry on without ‘em okay? “ Aaron begged. 

“ I don’t want to be like this. “ Robert whispered. 

“ And you’ll have time to recover, you’ll have time to become the man I always think you are Rob. “

But what if he isn’t the man Aaron always thought he was? What if he was just the lowlife druggy that cares about nobody but himself? 

/-/ 

Aaron fell asleep, Robert made sure of that when he snuck out of his bed and searched for his phone finding it hidden in Aaron’s jacket. He turned it on finding messages off John, stating that Robert can get another batch full if he wants.   
He could couldn’t he? He could go to Johns get the drugs and secretly take the drugs without anyone knowing? 

Robert typed back with shaking hands and agreed. He put on his shoes and jacket quietly making his way to Johns house.   
He doesn’t care if anyone finds out, he only needs his fix, and then he can go to sleep. Aaron is only helping him out of guilt, Victoria is only helping him because he’s her brother. And well Chas and Paddy are only popping around to Vic’s to help Aaron. Maybe because they think Robert isn’t safe. 

Robert could cry with relief when John gave him the drugs. He didn’t bother to say goodbye and left again. He went back to Victoria’s cottage and snuck back into bed, injecting heroin into his arm, his whole body relaxed and smiled till unconscious take him away. 

Aaron woke up groggily from the stiffness and looked at Robert peacefully sleeping. Aaron half smiled to himself seeing Robert so relaxed. Is Robert finally becoming better? Aaron hoped. He started cleaning Robert’s room, something to do for few hours. Aaron accidentally knocked into the bedside table and heard something drop, he frowned. 

Till he saw it.   
The needle. 

Aaron turned red. How dare he start taking drugs again?! Aaron has helped him for 3 days getting clean and what does he do? Sneak out and have them behind his back? Aaron could have been ringing Liv, or going to the scrapyard, not wasting his fucking time on Robert when he’s been taking drugs! 

Aaron storms out, he has had enough of Robert Jacob Sugden. If he can’t help himself what’s the point of Aaron being there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any questions, or disagrees with anything please just comment but stay respectful ( as I didn’t intentionally mean to cause harm ).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Robert get help or will he sink further into the rabbits hole?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, i had writers block and then the motivation came back, I just wanted this to be finished because I don’t see what else I can add? 
> 
> Near the end I feel I don’t need to add everyone’s reactions as they will be happy to see Robert, then again I did want this fic to be finished. I’ve loved writing it though and thank you for reading/commenting and liking. :)

‘ I hate ya! ‘ Aaron screamed, pushing Robert backwards hard. 

“ Please Robert just wake up! “ 

‘Why can’t you just be a proper brother Robert?! ‘ Victoria cried, her face showing so much hatred. 

“ I’m sorry. “ 

‘ You are just a disappointment son. ‘ 

“ I love you Rob, please just hang on and let us have our happy ever ending! “ 

‘ Faggot. ‘ 

“ Why couldn’t you just let us help ya? “ 

‘ what a good slut you are, coming from just my touch. ‘ 

“ Why did you do this? Why couldn’t you just let us help you more! “ 

‘ I wish I never met you. ‘ 

Robert flatlined on the hospital bed. 

/-/ 

Aaron sat on the sofa starring at nothing, his chin rested on his clenched hands with his right leg bouncing up and down. He felt hurt. Why couldn’t Robert just stop taking drugs? But he isn’t stupid, the rational side of his brain knew you can’t just ‘ stop ‘ taking drugs. He would know, back in prison it was hard but he got there, Aaron wasn’t as hooked onto them as Robert.   
Aaron hates seeing his husband like this, but he doesn’t know how to help him. 

Aaron sighed heavily, he pulled himself off the couch and walked to the beer fridge getting out a beer. He took a long swig feeling dreadful, maybe he shouldn’t have just walked out like that. Would Robert even notice when he woke up? 

“ Aaron! “ Liv cheered happily, rushing over to her brother hugging him. Aaron held her tightly smiling. 

“ Hey, I didn’t know you were coming back today? “ Aaron said when he pulled away from her. 

Liv blushed. “ I wanted to surprise you. “ 

“ Softy. “ Aaron joked. 

Liv shrugged her shoulders.   
“ And if you tell anyone you will pay. “ she lightly threatened, grinning when Aaron smirked. “ how are you then? “ she asked. 

How can he tell his little sister her other brother is now a drug addict? 

“ Fine. “ it came out more like a grumble. 

“ Whats happened? “ Liv pushed, seeing past Aaron’s ‘ fine ‘ act. 

He sighed. “ okay don’t get upset or anything. “ she looked at him frowning, ready to have a argument. Aaron took a deep breath. “ Robert is going through a rough patch. “ he started off. He doesn’t even know where to start if he’s honest. 

Liv frowned. “ A rough patch? “ 

“ He’s taking drugs. “ he nearly blurted out. 

“ He’s a druggy? “ Liv said beyond disbelief. 

“ Yeh - well no - but he’s taking drugs. “ 

“ So? Yes then? Just not selling them? “ 

“ yeh. “ Aaron said shortly after, when he’s he turned into the awkward Paddy all a sudden? 

“ How long for? “ 

“ A few months. “ Aaron told her quietly. 

There were tears building up in Livs eyes. “ Why is he taking drugs for? He was always the bloke who was against all that! He went ballistic when you took them! “ her voice wobbled angrily. 

Aaron sighed. “ He’s not coping with things Liv, he needed a way to cope and he’s found the worst way. “ he defended Robert. 

“ are you helping him get better? “ she asked, sounding stronger than few seconds ago. 

Aaron sighed. “ I tried too, and Vic. But I just - I walked out when I saw he’d been taking them again -“ 

Anger flooded liv’s face, not even letting him finish. “ You What? “ she spat out at him, Aaron stood stunned by the hostile in her voice. “ You walked out on him when he needed you the most! “ 

“ But Liv - “ 

“ no Aaron! Don’t you go all Liv on me, he needs you and you just fuck off when the tough gets tough? Are you really that pathetic? “ 

“ don’t you speak to me like that. “ Aaron responded, voice dangerously calm. 

She scoffs. “ I will. He helped ya when you were in prison, he tried to help ya, and yeh he fucked up but he never left ya did he? But you! You leave him when it gets too hard. What sort of person does that make you? “ 

That was like a punch to the stomach, hearing the truth coming from his sister. It’s true isn’t it? What sort of person does that make him? 

“ Go and help him Aaron. Like how he has helped you for years! “ Liv ordered him. 

“ I don’t even know if he does want - “ 

“ Don’t you love him? “ Liv asked him out of the blue, her voice calm, as she frowned. 

And yeh, he finally needs to admit it to himself doesn’t he? 

“ Of course I do. “ he whispers, upset. After all this time of denial he finally accepts fate, he *still* loves Robert even now. 

Liv laughs softly. “ go and help him then, you need to show him he is loved and stop destroying himself even further. “ 

When the hell did Liv come so wise? 

“ Thanks sis, what would I do without you eh? “ Aaron chuckles, embarrassed that his little sister had to knock sense into him. 

“ Probably still be living with Chas and getting free beer. “ 

“ Yeh Alright cheeky. “ 

/-/ 

Aaron nervously knocked against Victoria’s door, waiting for her to answer. He didn’t want to see her since walking out on them, and he really didn’t want an argument. But, maybe god isn’t on his side today? 

“ what do you want Aaron? “ Victoria asked him, she sounded fed up. 

“ I want to see Robert. “ 

“ why? To walk out on him again? “ 

Aaron sighed, subconsciously playing with his sleeve. “ I want to help him. “ 

“ but last time you left without a single word? “ 

“ and this time I want my husband back, I don’t want to see him slowly kill himself even more. “ At the end Aaron’s voice became thick with tears. Victoria sighed, nod shortly and let him in. 

“ How has he been? “ Aaron asked her, standing by the mirror near the stairs. 

“ bad. He keeps having nightmares, cold sweats and just aggressive. “ 

“ he hasn’t hurt - “ 

“ No! No. He wouldn’t ever hurt me, just when I leave the room I hear hear him going crazy smashing things. “ Victoria explained, Aaron could see the exhaustion in her face. 

Aaron nodded and went up the stairs to Robert’s room, he suddenly became even more nervous now being face to face with the door. Robert was on the other side, just go in. 

So he does. He wasn’t expecting to see Robert rocking on his bed with his face covered in sweat like it’s 32°c. 

Robert seemed to be in a daze. 

“ Rob? “ 

Nothing. 

“ Robert are you okay? “ 

And god the quietness of Robert is just nerve wrecking. 

But slowly he turns to face Aaron and frowns at him, genuinely confused.

“ Who are you? “

What? “ what? “ Aaron let out confused, feeling his heart go cold. 

“ I said who are you? How did you come in here? “ 

“ Is this some sort of laugh? “ Aaron said, a sicking pain coming over him. Robert doesn’t remember him. 

He’s forgotten about Aaron. 

“ No? I don’t remember you at all. “ 

Aaron wants to cry. 

“ I’m Aaron. “ 

Something flickers in his eyes, but as soon it comes it goes.   
“ Aaron? “ 

“ yeh. “ 

Robert shakes his head. “ I don’t know who you are. The real Aaron wouldn’t have left me. “ 

Aaron lets one tear fall from his eye down his cheek. “ Rob it’s me, please just try to remember. “ 

“ You’re just someone else pretending to be him aren’t ya? “ Like it’s actually bloody true. “ my Aaron wouldn’t have walked out leaving me all by myself. “ Robert cried. 

“ And I’m sorry for that, but it’s really me. “ 

“ No one never stays with me. “

Aaron took Robert’s hand holding on tightly. “ They Do Robert! Vic is here! I’m here! “ 

“ no your not. “ he lets go of Aaron’s hand, stands up to look outside the window feeling more faint. 

“ Have you had anymore drugs? “ Aaron asks him, because Robert just seems so out of it. 

“ I don’t know. “ he replies indifferently. Before he heaves and legs it to the bathroom being violently sick. Aaron rubs Robert’s back becoming more scared when Robert is furiously becoming more sick and hotter whilst being so cold. 

“ rob let me - “ 

Robert just stops. Before anything can register he’s falling to the floor, a Big Bang noise echoing the bathroom as Robert’s collapses to the floor. 

Aaron gasps, blood draining from his face as he lurches to the floor shaking the lifeless body. 

“ Rob - Robert please wake up -“ Aaron panics, just panics, shaking him awake. 

Victoria runs up the stairs hearing the commotion, sees her brother laying on the floor unmoving and Aaron being frantic. 

“ Vic call an ambulance! “ Aaron shouts at her. Aaron cries over Robert’s face, cupping his jaw before turning him on his side.   
“ please wake up. “ Aaron begs. “ I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t stay with ya - “ the words get stuck in his throat before going into a body shaking sob. “ I love you Rob, please just hang on and let us have our happy ever ending! “ and god Aaron’s voice sounds unrecognisable. 

Everything goes in a blur. Aaron can’t remember getting in the ambulance or walking beside Robert. Till all he hears his own voice calling out to Robert, as Robert’s body jumps when the doctors try to restart his heart. 

“ no no don’t do this to me Robert. “ Aaron cried, as the Doctors and nurses tried to bring Robert back. 

Doctor looks so frantic calling out these medical words and numbers. “ We’re losing him. “ the doctor panics, injecting Robert with something. 

“ 1 - 2 - 3 -“ 

Robert flatlines. He’s actually given up on life. 

Aaron and Victoria stop breathing. It’s like the whole fucking world stops because Robert has just -stopped.

The Doctor looks so determined and he tries and tries till Robert has a rhythm. 

A beat. Two beats. 

He’s actually stable and Aaron could cry - scream - yell at Robert for being so stupid - and kiss him because he loves him so much. 

“ thank god. “ Aaron breaths. 

“ Robert is stable but it is still touch and go at the moment. “ The Doctor tells them both, when the nurses are hooking Robert onto these wires and machines. “ His heart rate is weak, his body is disorienting because of the amount of drugs and weight loss. But - we are hoping he will pull through tonight. “ 

“ but he will survive won’t he? “ Victoria choked out wiping away the tears on her face. 

The doctors face shifts, looking hesitant. “ Like i said it is touch and go. You need to hold on tight. “ Said The Doctor before leaving to go to another patient. The nurses weakly smiled at Victoria and Aaron as they leave too, and the both of them are alone with Robert. Who looks like he is dead - if I wasn’t for the weak heart monitor beeping.   
Aaron grips onto Robert’s hand like his life depends on it, He ignores the tears.   
Victoria doesn’t speak, content that she still has her brother. 

That he isn’t a memory anymore. 

Aaron sniffles, stroking the pale skin on Robert’s hand with his own thumb. “ You stupid idiot you are. “ he chokes out, voice ruff and hoarse. “ You better come back to us Robert, back to me. “ Aaron says quietly, just sees him and Robert. 

“ He will Aaron. “ Victoria pipes in, her own voice sounding thick from tears. 

“ he nearly left us Vic. He nearly left me - I would have become a widower. “ Aaron only realises, his brain catching up after the whirlwind of stress. 

Victoria’s face falls. “ Our Robert needs to fight that’s all. He needs to realise there’s more to life than a bag of drugs. “ 

Aaron sighs softly. “ I think it’s more than that Vic. He has problems, he’s basically self harming himself by using drugs.” Aaron explains to her without catching eye contact, all his focus is on Robert - because it feels like if he blinks Robert will disappear. 

“ I don’t understand it though. He had me - Diane. “ 

“ Yeh two people Vic. “ Aaron bluntly repeated. Aaron looks at her tiredly. “ He doesn’t have any mates, all he had was you two. He thought I hated him, I wanted to hate him when I loved him. His whole life was falling apart so he started to self destruct. “ 

“ I should have talked to him more. “ Victoria says regretfully. 

Aaron shrugged. “ Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But we’re here now aren’t we. We can help our Robert again. “ 

Victoria weakly smiled. “ I want my big brother back. “ her eyes drew wide. “ I need to ring Diane. “ she let out getting her phone from her coat and walking out of the room to ring her. 

Aaron looked back at his husband with his eyes tracing Robert’s broken face. The hollow cheeks sinking in, the black bags looking heavy, the grey skin nearly looking blue - Robert doesn’t look like Robert anymore. He is determined to get his husband off drugs. 

Aaron gently kissed each one of Robert’s knuckles. He felt a pull on his heart seeing the loss of presence of his wedding ring. 

“ I’m going to get that ring back on you I am - Mr Sugden. “ Aaron whispered. 

-:- 

“ ohhh love come here. “ Chas protectively said hugging her son as he reluctantly got up from his chair. 

Aaron grimaced awkwardly.   
“ Yeh thanks mum. “ 

“ how are you? “ She said, after pulling away with Paddy standing bedside her. 

“ I’m fine. “ 

“ You can tell us Aaron. “ Paddy said gently. 

Aaron sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose before sitting back down next to Robert.   
“ tired. Stressed. “ he listed heavily. “ I need to be here for Robert when he wakes up. “ 

“ What actually happened? “ Paddy asked, sitting at the end of Robert’s hospital bed. 

“ Robert was rocking backwards and forwards on the bed sweating, then he just - collapsed in the bathroom. “ Aaron explained, sounding confused still. 

“ what caused him to collapse? “ 

“ The Doctors think it’s a mixture of things -dehydration, the heart shrugging because of the weight loss, drugs - just his body giving up. “ 

“ If this isn’t a wake up call for him I don’t know what is. “ chas grumbles, unimpressed. 

Aaron frowned at her narrowing his eyes getting the judgment of her assuming Robert was doing it for the fun of it. “ Robert has his problems Mum he wasn’t just taking drugs for the fun of it. “ Aaron hissed. “ I took drugs in prison remember? It’s the same thing. “

“ but Robert is at fault for wrecking his life. “ Paddy blurted out. 

Aaron scoffed. “ Can’t believe this. “ he shook his head angrily. “ I beaten some bloke up in an act of violence! I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me! “ 

“ Love, you won’t well at the time-“ 

Aaron stood up. “ And Robert isn’t well now! Stop thinking I’m allowed to do things just because of my past mental health problems. Stop thinking I’m this some sort of saint because I’m not and I’m really getting fed up with it now. “ Aaron spat out, chest heaving with his eyes growing dark. 

“ I’m sorry, you know I want to protect-“ 

Aaron sighed heavily, defeating slightly. “ I’m a grown man. I don’t always need my mum on my back, I will make mistakes but they’re mine. I don’t need the both of you thinking I’m 18 again. “ 

Chas slowly nodded her head.   
“ understood. “ 

“ I’m sorry you feel like that Aaron. “ Paddy said quietly, guilty. 

Now Aaron feels guilty.   
“ I know you care for me, but you two are too much sometimes thinking for me. “ 

Chas walked to Aaron giving him another hug. “ I’m sorry love, I’ll try to be less protective of you. “ 

“ thanks. “ Aaron weakly smiled. 

Paddy patted Aaron on the shoulder. “ I am proud of you Aaron, I just want to see you happy. “ 

“ thanks pad. “ Aaron said, feeling himself get emotional because it means the world to him. 

“ You and Robert then. “ Chas teased, grinning. 

Aaron sighed. “ mum -“ 

“ what? I just want to know if you two will be getting back together again! “ 

“ It’s too soon. I can’t say to Robert I want us getting back together it might drive him off the edge. Anyway I don’t know if he wants the same. “ 

“ Of course he does. “ Paddy said like it’s obvious. “ He loves ya. “ 

“ I don’t want to be rushed into this or you two rushing Robert into it. I want to help him, he needs me and in the future when Robert is recovering we’ll discuss it. “ 

“ You’re so mature Aaron. “ 

Aaron blushed. “ I’m just thinking of my husband. “ 

Chas and Paddy smiled proud.   
“ How long has he been asleep for? “ Paddy asked. 

“ a few hours. Vic said Diane is coming in later on and Vics in the cafe getting something to eat. “ 

Chas frowned. “ So you’ve been in here all by yourself? You haven’t had anything to eat or drink? “ 

“ No. well - one of the nurses gave me a coffee but that’s it. “ 

“ right I’ll get you something to eat, and some water. “ Paddy said and left the room. Aaron held Robert’s hand again, leaning his head against the chair with chas sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“ So what’s been happening with you? “ Aaron said needing to keep his mind off things for awhile. 

-/- 

Diane walked in and gasped seeing her step son lying in bed looking unrecognisable.   
“ oh god look at him. “ she gasped, stunned. Diane walked to Victoria and looked at him. 

“ why has he been taking drugs for? “ Diane asked. “ I would never have thought my step son would be a crackhead. “ 

“ my husband isn’t a crackhead. “ Aaron nearly shouted. 

“ Yeh Diane, he’s been taking drugs but don’t call him that. “ Victoria told her, offended. 

“ I’m sorry pet, but I don’t understand why he would ruin himself because of drugs. “ 

“ He has problems and he’s been struggling Diane. “ Aaron stated out. 

“ but drugs? “ Diane commented disappointed. 

“ Okay why did you never support him or help him? “ Aaron asked her, heat behind his words. 

Diane shook her body. “ Because Robert ruined the only good thing he ever had! I didn’t want to talk to him when he brought everything upon himself! “ 

“ Diane why are you being so harsh? Robert was drunk -“ 

“ Yes he was drunk but he still did It -“ 

“ well he never. He didn’t actually do anything because Rebeca was lying about it all this time. So his life fell apart for nothing. “ 

Diane shrugged, sighed heavily.   
“ what do you want me to say? Robert is a disappointment to this family, Jack would be so ashamed and Sarah for their son to turn out like this. “ 

“ get out. “ Aaron growled. 

“ I can’t stand to even look at you Diane. “ Victoria disgustedly turned away from her. 

“ What pet? I’m sorry if you want to stay in denial but it’s an excuse for Robert. He has everything- a good successful business, me and you -“ Diane pointed to Victoria, but she couldn’t continue more because she couldn’t list anything else. 

Aaron narrowed his eyes harder at her. “ Yeh what else Diane? “ 

Diane become stressed. 

“ I know why you can’t say anything else - it’s because there is nothing else to list. All Robert has his you two and a business. “ Aaron tilted his head to the side. “ actually no he hasn’t got you, you’re a vile piece of work saying all that about your step son! “ 

“ Pet -“ 

Aaron stood up livid. “ no don’t go all pet me Diane, you are nasty. You have never liked Robert and now it shows. “ 

“ I do like him but don’t you see why he hasn’t got much friends or family? All he brings is hassle to the doorstep -“ 

“ Fuck off and don’t you dare come back. “ Aaron hissed. 

“ No -“ 

“ Get OUT! “ Aaron shouted as he hissed. Diane left shocked by the reaction she was only saying the truth. Victoria shook her head shocked by Diane’s nasty words. 

“ I can’t believe she said that about him. “ 

Aaron sat back down bubbling with anger. “ Don’t let her come back here, I can’t stand the sight of her. How dare she say that about him? No wonder Robert felt alone. “ Aaron ranted. 

“ but he wasn’t! He still had me!” 

“ He can still feel alone though Vic, how would you feel if you were sleeping in a box room at your sisters with a nasty step mother and no family around you? Having the whole village blacklist you wherever you go? “ 

Victoria looked down knowing Aaron is damm right. 

“ Exactly. “ Aaron sat back. 

“ It’s horrible knowing Robert couldn’t speak to us. “ Victoria told him quietly. 

Aaron inter-whined his fingers into Robert’s squeezing his hand softly, nodding his head not saying anything. 

The guilt is unbearable. 

-/- 

The first thing Aaron woke up to the twitch of the hands against his, but then nothing happened he went back to sleep. To haha a soft groan awaken him again and Aaron could cry with happiness as his husband was waking up from the temporary coma. 

Aaron leant over him not wanting Robert to panic one bit by the odd surroundings.   
“ hey hey it’s me - Aaron - you’re in hospital Rob. “ Aaron told him calmly, his hands automatically on Robert’s shoulders. 

“ where - why I’m I here? “ Robert half slurred, his head falling to the sides still semi conscious. 

“ you fainted. “ 

“ hmm. “ Robert hummed, falling back to sleep. Aaron gently shook him awake again afraid this may be the last time he saw those blue green eyes again. 

“ Don’t fall back to sleep, I need to get your doctor. “ Aaron hushed, running out of the room and calling for the nurses. 

Everything happened in instant. Robert was in the room then moved to have a CV ( to check there isn’t any swelling ), blood tests and more tests to see if Robert’s memory is still in tact and finally at 4am he was back lying in his bed. Aaron rang Victoria and Chas in the main time and they were coming over in a while, considering it isn’t urgent. Aaron gazed at him unable to stop himself because Robert is actually awake and not unconscious. 

“ You scared the shit out of me you know? “ Aaron murmured, holding Robert’s hand in a grip. 

“ I’m sorry. “ he whispered, risking a glance at Aaron who just looked so exhausted. 

“ If you’re sorry you will get help and stop taking that poison. “ Aaron sternly said to him, now looking at him properly. 

“ I do Aaron - god that’s all I want but I don’t know if I can. “ Robert whimpered scared. He is scared of himself now, he’s completely out of control over his body and mind. 

“ You can do anything Robert. We will help you every step of the way understand me? “ Aaron sat on the bed looking deep into Robert’s eyes. 

“ do I? Do I really have you? “ Robert risked. 

Aaron nodded. “ yeh. Yeh you do have me but we need to get you sorted out first don’t we??” Aaron weakly smiled. 

“ I’ve made a mess of everything Aaron. “ Robert whimpered. “ the things I’ve done to get the drugs -“ he trailed off to a stop, shaking his head aimlessly. “ I’m so ashamed. I could have caught something and I didn’t care! “ disgust laced his voice. 

“ It doesn’t matter now Robert. This is here and now, what you did - you were desperate, trapped in the addiction but now you can get help. If you want it? “ 

“ I do. I do want help. I hate the person I’ve become Aaron. “ 

Aaron sighed softly, shifting on the bed as he reached out to cup Robert’s jaw. “ We’ll help you. I never want to see you like that Robert. “ it sounded like he was holding his breath too afraid to speak out loud. “ You collapsing, completely out of it beforehand - I never want you to forget who I am. Ever. “ 

“ I’m sorry. “ 

Aaron stroked Robert’s cheek with his thumb calmly, ignoring the filling tears in his eyes. “ It’s fine. “ 

“ is it? “ Robert whispered, vulnerable. 

“ Yeh. I can’t hate you for a addiction. “ 

“ How do i know the support will even help me to get clean? “ Robert frowned. 

“ Because you’ll be in there for 28 days - so a month. “ 

“ a month? “ Robert breathed out. The possibility of no drugs for a month? It seems daunting. 

“ You need a long time to get off that stuff to get every last drop of it out of your system. Then I think there’s more follow up checks? But yeh - you need to go to rehab if you want too. “ 

Robert didn’t say anything, just processing everything because its a lot to take in. He has been on drugs for months ( around 3? He can barely remember). 

“ Okay. “ Robert blurted out. “ okay I go to rehab I want to get better, I want to make you happy. “ 

“ Proud of you. “ Aaron just said. Because he is proud of Robert never did he think Robert would say those words. 

“ It’ll be hard. “ Robert confessed. “ Of course it will but I want to get better I want more of you - of us together. “ 

Aaron could cry. 

“ That’s all I’ve ever wanted. “ Aaron choked out nearly crying. 

“ Thank you for staying by me. “ Robert said quietly. Meaning it with every fibre in his being. 

“ I will always stay with you. “ 

/-/ 

Robert goes to rehab later on in the day. Robert panicked and became distressed about the concept of having no drugs. But he managed to go into the car and actually enter the rehab. 

Aaron cried. Robert cried. Basically the people around Robert cried. 

Aaron clung onto Robert not waiting to let him go. 

“ I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait forever if it means you’ll be healthy again. “ 

Robert’s body shook in Aaron’s embrace, his body a lot smaller now with the severe weight loss. 

Victoria hugged Robert telling him she loves him. She still sees Robert as her big brother even when he is being a idiot. 

Aaron hugged Robert one last night, more tighter, his body completely against Robert’s and he pressed multiple kisses to Robert’s neck and face. 

“ You came back to me, and we can be happy again. “ Aaron whispered into Robert’s ear, pulling away hating the distance. 

“ I love you Robert. Never forget it. “ 

“ I love you too. “ 

-:- 

The 3rd day was horrendous.   
Robert fainted. Sweating like he is trying to become a river. He was aggressive, that’s why he was kept in his room. 

He shouted, yelled, punched and kicked till he fell unconscious. 

-:- 

Aaron cried the first and second night when Robert was gone. He couldn’t even talk to him, so instead he rewatched videos of Robert. 

Liv wanted to see Robert leave but it wasn’t suitable or her in the hospital either. The Doctors were afraid Robert would be aggressive and she wasn’t allowed to see him. She felt out of the loop completely but reluctantly she understands. 

Liv looks through pictures and videos of Robert remembering the cheerful happy Robert. 

Then it feels tainted knowing the Robert she knows now is in rehab for drugs. 

-/- 

Robert cried and cried begging the staff for drugs on the 10th day. Just a little bit he sobbed. The need became unbearable and he smacked his head against the wall. He can’t remember doing it till the staff tell him the next day. 

And because of the big angry blue and black bruise on his forehead. 

-:- 

It’s been 20 days and Robert feels better. A little shaky and dazed out but he’s better. The group counselling have been a godsend, Robert thought he would hate it. At first he did but the people were so welcoming and patient Robert slowly came out of his shell. Everyone there understands Robert. 

In some sort of weird way Robert feels accepted. 

-:- 

Robert misses Aaron’s voice so much. 

He’s allowed to ring one person. 

Robert hates the wobble in Aaron’s voice when he is about to breakdown. 

-:- 

Robert is coming home today. Aaron has never gotten out of bed faster and tidied the house to perfection. Liv is excited and Victoria but Aaron is on cloud fifty. 

Aaron was the one who said he is picking up his husband, the sun rays shining down upon him and the wedding ring. 

Everything feels so right. 

Robert steps out of the double doors and naturally beams at Aaron. They are finally reunited. 

Aaron runs to Robert and hugs onto him, they both stumble from the force but they don’t care. Not for one bit. They are back together again. 

“ I’m so glad to see you. “ Robert cries into Aaron’s shoulder, clutching his back tighter. 

Aaron breaths Robert even. The scent of Robert is just - home. 

“ I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much it’s been unbearable. “ Aaron passionately says, pulls away slightly taking in the whole image of his husband. Robert looks better - Robert looks like Robert again. 

“ You’ve got your ring on? “ Robert guesses, sees the glint. 

Aaron nodded his head. “ It felt right. I’ve never stopped being your husband Robert. Not for one second. “ 

Robert cries again. 

“ I don’t deserve you. “ 

Aaron holds him tighter, cups Robert’s jaw and strokes his cheek. “ You do. You deserve so much happiness and love. “ 

“ Lets go home husband. “ Robert watery grins. 

That’s the best thing Aaron has ever heard in a long time. 

-/- 

When Robert has seen everyone again and reunited he feels loved. So much love is in the room and in his life it is shining out like the sun. 

Liv cried into his chest unbelievably thankful he is still alive and not in the ground.   
Robert thinks to himself why did he ever think for a second people hated him? But he knows he was in a dark place and he can never hate himself for what he felt. 

Robert pleads with himself he won’t ever touch drugs again. Aaron is his drug and that’s all he needs. 

That was chapter ago - Robert is starting a whole new book with his family now.

A book of happiness, tears and love and children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope people enjoyed this or at least found this interesting?  
> If people do disagree ( which is perfect fine ) can you keep it respectful as I did not intentionally mean to cause people harm and to be upset.
> 
> Please let me know if I should carry on with this?


End file.
